Saturday, October 18, 2008

Saturnian Contemplations

Saturn - Blue Expanse (JPL)

  1. In the mail this week I received an unsolicited catalog from an outfit called Sounds True promoting "Tools & Teachings for Personal & Spiritual Transformation." On the back cover, in 72pt type-face, they ask, "What's New in Timeless Wisdom?" I pretty sure they're serious.
  2. In my email this week I received a bit of spam offering a $250 McDonald's® gift card. Actually, I received two, which led me to wonder just who in the hell can spend $250 at McDonald's? I mean, the most I've ever spent at the place is maybe ten bucks, and after that I've had enough for a good, long while.
  3. Why am I so gassy all of a sudden?
  4. I'm not talking about burping, folks.
  5. I'm watching TV the other day and on comes this commercial promoting a law firm soliciting clients who've used anything containing quinine in an effort to relieve chronic leg cramps. Apparently, if you've ever had a leg cramp and have ever heard of the drug quinine you may have the basis for a specious lawsuit, so they'd love to talk with you. Call today to find out more about your rights under the law!
  6. My more alert readers will already have guessed what the next commercial was for.
  7. Je$$e Ja¢k$on said something stupid this week, which led me to wonder why in the hell people still pay attention to him.
  8. A guy opened up a shop down the road selling little motor scooter/moped/vespa-type things and has been stuffing flyers in mailboxes and doors and such. His slogan is "Makes It's Fun to Save Fuel."
  9. I was in Walmart the other day and saw on a clearance rack a can of "Low-odor Aircraft Remover." For all those non-aromatic airplanes you have lying around that you just have to get rid of.
  10. I was watching The Blues Brothers yesterday and I wondered if I got myself a vintage Pinto stationwagon, would I be able to get the custom license plate "ILL NAZI". Probably not.