Thursday, September 11, 2008

South Florida Runs Out of Gasoline



     South Florida should run out of gasoline by this coming Monday (Sept.15th), but I could be wrong; it might take until Tuesday, or even Wednesday. At any rate, you're probably wondering how this could possibly happen. Here's the recipe:

  1. Find one barrel of oil, the price of which has dropped nearly 40% in the past few months.
  2. Add some greedy oil companies who sat fat and happy as the price of their barrels of goo skyrocketed, but now are upset that they might not continue to make billions of dollars in profits each and every quarter.
  3. Stir in three hurricanes, each of which is serious enough to disrupt scheduled tanker deliveries, regular oil production and gasoline refining.
  4. Beat the living hell out of the rat-bastard oil companies who couldn't be bothered to keep their storage facilities full. Can't have them sitting on top of a bunch of overpriced fuel nobody can afford, now can we?
  5. Leave South Floridians to sit and fester in the Godforsaken swamps for a week or more with very little gasoline.
  6. Blame it all on the weather.
I could also blame the environmentalists who will never, under any circumstances whatsoever, allow a refinery to be built here, but they're not entirely to blame for that; I have a generation of feckless politicians to thank as well. So, when you're hearing all about the gas riots down here on the news next week, remember who told you first.