Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why Obama is Better than Jesus

Jesus fed a bunch of people with a few fish and some loaves of bread, but whre was He the next day when they were hungry again?Obama wants to make sure everybody has enough food to eat, and he'll make sure you receive a well-balanced diet in accordance with that government food-pyramid scheme thing, not just a bunch of lousy fish and bread.
Jesus walked on water.Obama's campaign has both a bus and a plane, both of which are much faster than walking. And the plane's only broken down once.
Jesus turned water into wine.Obama's smoked pot and snorted cocaine. How cool is that, dude?
As a kid, Jesus spent some time in Egypt.As a kid, Obama went to school in Indonesia.
Jesus spent His entire life in the Middle East, but that was 2,000 years ago.Obama just visited the Middle East the other day, so his information's a bit more up-to-date.
Jesus went around healing a lot of sick people.Obama promises universal health coverage for all, not just those people he can visit personally.
Jesus helped Simon catch some fish when there were none to be had in the lake.Obama would help Simon apply for unemployment benefits and college tuition loans so he could retrain for a new career in Business Management.
Jesus stopped a storm, thus saving His disciples and their boat.Obama promises more money for FEMA to help people rebuild their shattered lives after a disaster.
Jesus made a fig tree wither away because:
  1. it didn't have any fruit on it and He was hungry, and
  2. He could.
Obama is all about the environment and would never by his actions cause any harm to come to a living thing.
Jesus cast out a bunch of demons.Obama just throws them under his campaign bus.
Jesus' ministry only lasted three years.Obama had dedicated his entire adult life to public service.
Jesus never met anybody He didn't like, even that Judas guy who betrayed Him.Betray Obama and he'll throw you under the bus.
Jesus brought dead people back to life.Once you get run over by Obama's bus, that's pretty much it.