Jesus | Obama |
Jesus fed a bunch of people with a few fish and some loaves of bread, but whre was He the next day when they were hungry again? | Obama wants to make sure everybody has enough food to eat, and he'll make sure you receive a well-balanced diet in accordance with that government food-pyramid scheme thing, not just a bunch of lousy fish and bread. |
Jesus walked on water. | Obama's campaign has both a bus and a plane, both of which are much faster than walking. And the plane's only broken down once. |
Jesus turned water into wine. | Obama's smoked pot and snorted cocaine. How cool is that, dude? |
As a kid, Jesus spent some time in Egypt. | As a kid, Obama went to school in Indonesia. |
Jesus spent His entire life in the Middle East, but that was 2,000 years ago. | Obama just visited the Middle East the other day, so his information's a bit more up-to-date. |
Jesus went around healing a lot of sick people. | Obama promises universal health coverage for all, not just those people he can visit personally. |
Jesus helped Simon catch some fish when there were none to be had in the lake. | Obama would help Simon apply for unemployment benefits and college tuition loans so he could retrain for a new career in Business Management. |
Jesus stopped a storm, thus saving His disciples and their boat. | Obama promises more money for FEMA to help people rebuild their shattered lives after a disaster. |
Jesus made a fig tree wither away because:
- it didn't have any fruit on it and He was hungry, and
- He could.
| Obama is all about the environment and would never by his actions cause any harm to come to a living thing. |
Jesus cast out a bunch of demons. | Obama just throws them under his campaign bus. |
Jesus' ministry only lasted three years. | Obama had dedicated his entire adult life to public service. |
Jesus never met anybody He didn't like, even that Judas guy who betrayed Him. | Betray Obama and he'll throw you under the bus. |
Jesus brought dead people back to life. | Once you get run over by Obama's bus, that's pretty much it. |
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